Friday, July 27, 2012

How To Make Me A Famous Blogger

It was recently suggested to me, by a new friend, that I quit my job and become a famous full-time blogger because, apparently, I'm That Awesome.

I'm definitely not going to quit my current job until Anthony and I are preparing to relocate to wherever he has to live while attending flight school (it will most likely be either Florida or Ohio - where would I prefer to live? I'll give you a hint: It's not Ohio). But, it got me thinking - once Anthony and I relocate, I will have to find another job (our deal is that I have to work until my student loans are paid off. No, I am not too proud to accept hand-outs - just make the check out to Poor Unfortunate Soul Who Realized Too Late That She Was Paying Way Too Much Money To Go To College And Procure A Really Nice Wall Decoration That Makes Her Look Smart Except She's Not Actually Smart Because If She Was Then She Wouldn't Have Gone To College In The First Place Since She Is Never Going To Use Her Degree Ever And Even If She Was It Was Still Way Too Much Money. You may have to write kind of small).

Since I will have to procure another job then anyway, becoming a Famous Blogger by that point in my life just seems like best way to go.

With that in mind, I have compiled a list of ways that you can help make me a Famous Blogger by the aforementioned deadline. I'm giving you at least two years' notice, so I don't see any reason why you can't make this happen.

1. Share the link to my blog (or the links to posts that you particularly enjoy) on Facebook every hour on the hour. Then, switch it up the next day and share them every hour on the half hour. Then, go back to on the hour and so on. This will help maximize the amount of people who see your posts.

2. Send out a mass email and a mass text to everyone on your contact list, containing the info for accessing my blog. Have them reply with a message that states what their favorite flavor of Pringles is, in order to verify that they both received and read your message containing this Very Important Information. Keep a running list of those who message you back - on the following day, re-send the message to those who have not messaged you back. Repeat this process once per day until everyone in your contacts has responded. Use a subject line that's sure to get people's attention, such as "I think I found your Aardvark".

3. Take out the phone book and start calling people. I would suggest either starting in the A's and working your way forward, or in the Z's and working your way backward. Given the fact that there are a lot of numbers listed in the phone book, if you start to realize that you're not getting anywhere with a particular person then just hang up and move on to the next one. I know you have two years, but that's no reason to use your time inefficiently.

4. Make a T-shirt with my picture and the web address for my blog on it (in Large Bold Font). I would suggest wearing this T-shirt once per week, switching up the day each time (ex. first week - Monday, second week - Tuesday, and so on.) When you get to Sunday, just start over with Monday again the next day. Doing it this way means that the people at your Wednesday Spots will be just as likely to see the shirt as the people who frequent your Friday Spots. Here is a picture you can use for the shirt.

5. Photobomb other people's pictures while wearing your shirt. You could also keep a travel-sized handmade sign with you that you can hold up in case the blog address on the shirt will be obstructed by something else in the photo.

6. Write a song about me and my blog. Make sure "saraforrest(dot)blogspot(dot)com" is in the song a minimum of twelve times. Find someone who can record this song onto a cd for you (make sure the singer(s) annunciate well). Once you have an acceptable cd recording of this song in your possession, assemble a large group of friends together to do a flash mob in a well-populated public area. I would suggest making the T-shirts with my picture and blog address on them prior to doing the flash mob, so that everybody can wear one during the performance.

7. People Who Fly Around In Planes All Day always get left out of cool stuff, like watching flash mobs, so you should go to a beach and spell out the address for my blog in rocks or seashells or whatever for those guys to see.

8. If you're a Person Who Flies Around In Planes All Day then you may be thinking, the above suggestion was very considerate of you, but what if I actually want to help get the word out? I'm so glad you asked - fly around in a giant blimp displaying the address for my blog. If you would like to paint a picture of me on the side of the aircraft, for added effect, please refer to item #4.

9. Go to a pet store and teach all the parrots to say "Check out saraforrest(dot)blogspot(dot)com". In the interest of maximizing your success with the parrots, you may want to come with a pocket full of crackers. Parrots like crackers.

10. Anytime you are in a public restroom stall and do not see "For a good time, go to" on one or more of the walls and/or the stall door, rectify this immediately. You may want to keep a sharpie on you at all times, simply for this purpose. I would suggest both a black and silver option, because you never know what color stall you're going to find yourself in.

11. Patronize various stores and/or businesses that sell devices such as Magnadoodles and Etch-a-Sketches, or have unattended whiteboards/chalkboards, and write Very Important Information about myself and my blog on them.

12. Leave a one word status on facebook, stating what color underwear you were wearing the day Britney Spears shaved her head bald. As we all know, the One Word Undergarment Color On Your Status method has already proven to be Monumentally Successful in raising awareness of Very Important Things, such as cancer and child abuse. I'm not sure, but I think it's mostly because of how Not Vague it is.

13. Bribe people with Lindor Chocolate Truffles. Trust me.

So, this is my list of ideas for making me a Famous Blogger. I welcome any and all photo documentation or video footage of you carrying out any of the suggestions on the above list. Who knows, I may even send you some truffles as an expression of my gratitude.

If you have any ideas for making me a famous blogger that are so amazeballs they make mine look Lame & Stupid, please share with the rest of the class.

Happy Friday.


  1. I have your blog address being printed (with your picture) on a big car magnet-one for each side of my car...I plan to drive around Charlottesville-in the meantime, the new car I am buying is going to be decked out with your face and blog address over the entire thing, bull horns are being added, etc...I'll be at your front door when it is ready...we are going cross country with that baby-so get some time off work.

    1. Yes. Vehicular advertising is legit.