Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Never Have I Ever: Made Cake Pops With A Three Year-Old Or Myself For That Matter

There's something about infomercials.

As over-the-top and grossly exaggerated as many of them are (really, if your legs look like you just lost a knife fight with a dwarf everytime you get done shaving then your problems most likely extend beyond that which can be eliminated exclusively by using Nair), we still watch them. Generally, it's because we just can't sleep and nothing else is on after 3AM because the slick gimicky Infomercial People know that we are more vulnerable when we're tired and thus More Susceptible To Buying Into Someone Inventing A Problem We Don't Have So They Can Sell Us Something We Don't Need That May Or May Not Actually Remedy Aforementioned Imaginary Problem. All for three easy payments of $49.95.

The main selling point of the "Easy Toothbrush" is that a square toothbrush does not I repeat does not work for a human's circular mouth. In fact, it makes the brushing process akin to cleaning your teeth with a tiny square-shaped bed of nails and turns it into a mind-bogglingly difficult task  that should only be attempted by Navy SEALs and/or Chuck Norris - but, don't lose heart. Brushing your teeth can become as Easy & Luxurious as napping in a hammock on a warm, breezy day if thou wouldst merely switcheth to the Easy (aka circular) Toothbrush. Eth. Now, let me go on record and say that I have nothing against the idea of a circular toothbrush. At all. But, if I do ever happen to purchase one (from BB&B, not for three easy payments of $49.95), it sure as HEdoublehockeysticks won't be because I was too incompetent to properly use a standard-shaped one.

Perhaps, at times, it's because (all Tiredness-Related Vulnerability aside) we're genuinely facinated by the product being advertised howdoesitDOTHAT?:

 Oxi Clean is legit, I don't care who you are.

And, sometimes, it's because the infomercial itself is so fracking hilarious that, for a brief, delicate moment, nothing else matters in life:

For double the laughs, insert the name for a certain male organ in place of the word "sponge" me.

When infomercial products find themselves in a local store near you, and enough of them matriculate to the same place over time, we end up with what is referred to as the As Seen On TV section (and, if those products fall in love with one another, get married, and reproduce, they can even make up an entire STORE, which you know as the As Seen on TV store whichIhavetoadmitIkindoflike). This section of Bed Bath & Beyond is where I found myself on Sunday afternoon (they put it right by the registers to lure you in justsaying) and, alas, one final item was added to my cart before I made my purchases. I give you....the Tasty Top Cake Pops Kit (as seen on TV, of course).

I bought it to use with J, the little girl I nanny for, and my boss reimburses me for that kind of stuff so the decision was, in this case, an easy one. J loves to bake, and I figured she'd enjoy doing something a little different since we almost always do muffins, cupcakes, or something of that nature (I know you don't HAVE to have the kit to make cake pops, but I would have had to buy the sticks for them anyway and, plus, the silicone baker thingy doubles as a holder which I would have also had to procrue, so hushyourmouth.) Plus, cake pops are cool and cute and made of CAKE and you get to EAT THEM OFF OF A STICK. And don't tell Billy Mays, Godresthissoul, but I only had to make one easy payment of $9.99. Huzzah.

This was not only sure to be a New & Exciting Baking Endeavor for J but for myself as well, as I was a cake pop virgin prior to today (I was able to fit the sticks into the little holes just fine though, so no worries).

Here's how it all went down.

We prepared a boxed cake mix (Betty Crocker Yellow) according to the instructions.

Notice the cute little whisk with the piggy handle

Then we filled the silcone base with the prepared batter, like so:

It only took about a 'spoon-tip' of batter to fill those teeny tiny cups
Then we snapped the top on and baked them at 375.

Fifteen minutes later we had cake...balls. (Soon to be cake pops!)

This next step was of monumental importance and pretty much vital to the success of our pops.

We melted a small amount of the chocolate candy coating (in the microwave per the instructions on the package, muy quick and easy) swirled the top of each stick in it, and immediately stuck a stick inside each one of the cake balls - then we let the chocolate set. This gave the stick and cake ball the opportunity to becomeBFF's fuse together prior to us dipping the cake ball into the chocolate coating and, thus, the cake ball actually stayed on the stick during that process instead of falling off into the chocolate which would have been Not What Was Supposed To Happen.

At this point, we have officially graduated from being cake balls to cake pops:

I'm a REAL boy.

Now for the coating/decorating. We melted more chocolate candy coating in the microwave (we did this until it was JUST melted instead of hot, it sets quicker that way so you don't have to be the Most Patient Person Ever and let the excess chocolate drip off for 20 minutes after you dip the pop). Immediately after the excess chocolate would finish dripping off, we would place the freshly-coated pop into the holder and give it a generous sprinkling of sprinkles.

Let the coating harden, and then...

These are not professional quality by any stretch of the imagination but they served their purpose, which was to entertain a three year-old and a 29 year-old simultaneously and provide us with yummy Hump Day noms.

Happy Wednesday.